What Stops You From Being Your Actual Self?

Many people aren’t living their lives as their actual selves. For a variety of reasons, people choose to not live their lives as openly and authentically as they could. 

Besides dampening your personality and removing some of your natural shine, not being your actual self can have a ton of adverse effects on your overall wellbeing. To begin living a more authentic life where you’re able to be your actual self, it’s important to identify the different factors that stop you from feeling like you can be yourself. 

Factor 1: The people you spend your time with. 

 One of the biggest factors that make people feel like they can’t be their actual selves is the people surrounding them. If these are people you want to spend time with (or in some instances, must spend time with), you may feel immense pressure to act and think differently than normal in order to “fit in” with this group. 

Factor 2: A general dislike of other people. 

Everyone has days where it feels like every person, they meet is annoying; having these “off” days are normal. However, if you constantly feel a deep dislike of other people, you may be suffering from an issue with yourself. 

Often, people who generally dislike others usually have issues within themselves about who they are. Perhaps they aren’t accepting themselves for their actual selves, so they project this dislike to other people as well. 

Factor 3: A fear of failure and making mistakes. 

Failure is no fun, but it’s a part of life for every human being. Even the most successful people fail at some things and make mistakes. If you suffer from a fear of failure, you may not be living to your fullest potential. Rather than being your actual self, you feel compelled to stay “behind the scenes” and not express yourself honestly. 

Factor 4: A warped image of how your life should be. 

Dreaming big about life is healthy–these kinds of dreams motivate you to push forward, try new things, and succeed. However, if you find yourself getting stuck on how things should be rather than how they actually are, you’re preventing yourself from being your actual self. Let yourself step away from warped perceptions about how things should be so you can focus on your current reality. 

Factor 5: The self you want to be. 

Wanting to change, grow, and evolve is natural. People aren’t made to stay exactly the same all throughout their life spans. People make changes all the time, but if the self you want to be involves some extremes that likely can’t be accomplished, you’re stopping yourself from being your actual self.

For example, pretend you’re overweight and dreaming of a super-thin swimwear model body. The fact of the matter is that you aren’t built like the super-thin swimwear model–physically, your body types do not match up at all. 


If you ever dropped to the weight of the model, you’d likely fall into the malnourished category! This self that you want to be can stop you from being content and happy with yourself, which is a giant roadblock to being your actual self. 

 Factor 6: Fighting against the natural flow of life.

 Life has a natural flow to it. While life will always have its surprises, you’ll also discover that life has some natural and predictable flow to it. If you’re fighting against some of these natural patterns, you’re likely trying to fight against being your actual self as well. Allow yourself to relax, enjoy life’s natural pace and your place within that natural flow. 

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